Compasses, probably. Compi? That’s a dinosaur, I think.

Anyways!
I’ve been thinking a lot again. Not about death this time, but about where I started on the internet, and how I ended up where I’m at. Maybe more importantly, who I’ve become.

I’ve been on the internet longer than some of you have been a conscious person, or even alive. I’ve watched it grow and change from a place for nerds and freaks to a daily necessity, while the nerds were ostracized and our spaces taken from us.
I was on Neopets from almost its beginning. I had a lot of physical toys and cards and media. I learned that Steve Irwin died in a Neomail from a friend from school.
There was a lot of anthro art on pet pages, people that learned coding so they could make their personal pages unique, and one of the earliest pieces of art submitted publicly was of someone’s Lupe (the wolf pet) finding themselves in becoming the opposite gender.
The furries, nerds, and queers have been here since the beginning, is my point.

Through Furcadia, I found my way to Second Life, where I was… “lucky” to have lied about my age from day one. This was before everyone had a giant digital footprint to tie them back into, before everything needed to be recorded and put online when you’re five, and before I thought it mattered.
I do not feel good about it now and do not condone it, but it allowed me to exist in spaces I wouldn’t have access to otherwise, much more safely because no one was trying to approach me as a minor.
I think being largely asexual also did me a lot of good, both in this situation and in growing up in general. I never pursued sex, I never felt unfulfilled by not having access to it, and I never ended up in unsafe situations because of it.
I had good friends, fun conversations, and relationships with people that were entirely unique. I got to know the woman behind an account that was just for roleplay. She had several avatars for various purposes, all of them different people to know and interact with. I knew none of them, but I knew her. I don’t know if she thinks about me, but I think about her, and what she allowed me to see of her. I hope she’s doing okay.

I was not the one to realize I was gay. That came from Second Life, too. I was talking to someone I was close to, and he suggested, gently, “Have you ever considered you might be bisexual?”
I hadn’t. I thought about it. I have not stopped thinking about it. I’ve spent a lot of time since exploring my gender and sexuality, loudly and unabashedly and with myself at the focus. It didn’t matter what anyone else thought.
I’ve bounced all over, agender to genderfluid to trans to agender again, then back around to (mostly) cisgender woman (the agender desire to be a robot or a monster or a raccoon has withstood the test of time.) I’ve been straight to bisexual to lesbian to pansexual back around to bisexual, because it’s the sharpest word with the prettiest flag. I definitely have a strong preference for women, though. Incredible that they exist. Wow.

Anyways! Anyways. Women. Um… Let’s see…

I have always had a strong moral compass and a decent enough judge of character. People can lie, or be damaged in their own ways, or just… mentally sick? So I’m not ten for ten, but my track record is still pretty good. I know good people, and I love them for everything they’re worth, with everything I’ve got.
I have never been shy about telling people I love them. I want people to know they matter to someone. I need people to know they’re important.

I’ve heard that it’s very common for lesbians to love hard and fast and I know it’s usually said about their romantic relationships, but maybe I got that trait for all of them. Maybe it’s the asexual thing again.

The internet is not what it was. I don’t like what it’s become, by in large. It’s not all bad, though. There’s pockets of beauty and warmth and community. They are not the places overtaken by capitalism, but instead by furries, nerds, and queers.

At the end, I want to share something that really matters to me.
There is a site made by these same people. The nerds and losers, and it’s struggling. It’s the last art gallery site that openly opposes AI and functions as exactly what it is.
It is a pillar of the furry fandom, and the furry fandom is, like it or not, a pillar of the internet landscape as a whole.

We can’t lose this. Please.

If not this, please find something you can support. Things like the 3D software Blender, or the Internet Archive, or Wikipedia. Donate, share, don’t let knowledge and art disappear at the hands of people who do not want you to have it.